


Your Midas Touch on The Chevy Door

by iovestories



Category: Supernatural
Genre: #basically everyone ships them, #screw the cw, #shipper!Eileen, #shipper!sam, #they deserve a happy ending, And I mean EVERYBODY, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bottom Dean Winchester, DO NOT REPOST THIS FANFIC, DO NOT TRANSLATE THIS FANFIC, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everybody thinks they're a couple, F/M, Fix-It, Idiots in Love, Kinda of a sickfic at some point, M/M, Mutual Pining, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, Top Castiel, and SMUT, but also fluff, but there’s a happy ending I promise, feat taylor swift lyrics because she’s a heller, it gets sad before it gets better, like a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:07:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29250000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iovestories/pseuds/iovestories
Summary: Fix it fanfic starting from the end of 15x19, the boys are back in the bunker, Eileen moved in and everything is fine. Except Dean is drinking himself to sleep every night and hunting non stop so he doesn’t have to face his problems and Cas is still in The Empty all by himself.But Jack is not going to let his family suffer.
Relationships: Castiel (Supernatural)/Original Male Character(s), Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! First of all I want to thank my beta, storiomaniacgirl1 , I couldn’t have done this without you :)
> 
> Secondly, I’m having daily classes all every week so I’m not sure how often I’ll be able to update this story, but I will try to post a new chapter every week.
> 
> That’s all, I hope you like my alternative ending <3

_And I couldn't be sure_

_I had a feeling so peculiar_

_That this pain would be for evermore_

"Cas?" Calls a voice in the dark

For a moment, Castiel thinks it might be just another one of his regrets coming to haunt him, that's usually how it goes, The Shadow finds a memory, something that hurts him, and makes him relive it over and over again, and when he can't take it anymore, when he finally breaks, he goes back to sleep, only to be awaken not shortly after to do the whole thing again, like an endless circle.

However, to his surprise, the moment he opens his eyes he's not in an old house surrounded by holy fire or watching Dean walk away from him covered in blood, he's in The Empty, the actual Empty, dark, cold and deserted.

It feels like deja vu of some sorts, though Castiel can’t remember why, which is not really a surprise to him. He can’t remember much nowadays. He blames the torture, or maybe his mind is slowly giving up, erasing all the good things he has been through, stopping him from composing a single positive thought or thinking this could get better. 

After all, false hope is the last thing he needs.

"Cas?" The voice calls again, and now he can tell for sure, it's Jack.

Something comes to mind, the first time he came to The Empty , when Jack’s voice woke him up, though he can't quite understand how that could be part of one of his regrets. 

"Cas, I'm here,"

That's new, isn't it? But again, it wouldn't be the first time The Shadow changes something to make it more _fun_. 

He feels a hand on his shoulder, turning him around, and there he is, Jack, his son, smiling so brightly he could easily light up all of the empty's darkness.

"Hello," he waves

For a moment, Castiel let's himself believe that this is real, that Jack is actually there, that he's actually okay, but that can't be true, can it?

"You're not real," he says, shaking his head as though that would make Jack disappear. It doesn't

"Of course I am-" Jack cuts himself off, midsentense, and his whole posture changes, as if he has just seen, just realized something, "what's wrong with you?" He slightly tilts his head

"What-" Castiel starts, but before he can finish Jack's fingers are on his forehead and his mind goes blank.

It's like Jack somehow reset his mind, for a moment he can't remember anything, not even his own name, and then _boom_ thousands, millions thoughts come rushing back to him like a tidal wave, feelings he had long forgotten, people, places, moments, every hello, every goodbye, every smile and every tear. He remembers the angels, the garrison, he remembers rescuing Dean from hell and falling in love with him, rebelling against his own kind, he remembers fighting alongside Dean and Sam to save the world, dying and coming back to life. He remembers the leviathans, purgatory, watching the bees and flowers, he remembers being human, being possessed by Lucifer. He remembers every hug and every heart break. He remembers meeting Jack and loving him unconditionally, like the nephilim was his own son and he remembers, of course, sacrificing himself for Dean, finally confessing his feelings, and how happy that made him.

"What did you do to me?" Castiel asks baffled

"I fixed your brain," Jack says as though it's the most ordinary thing in the world, "I can do that now."

Castiel doesn't answer, his mind still trying to recover from whatever Jack just did.

"Now come on," Jack goes on, "I let's get you out of here."

"Jack, you know I can't leave."

"You can now," he tells him, "The Shadow is letting you go."

"What? Why?"

"We're kinda friends now," and he adds after Castiel raises an eyebrow in confusion, "I helped it go back to sleep and it gave you back to me."

"Just like that?" Castiel asks, suspicious

"Just like that."

"Come on Cas," Jack offers him his hand, but Castiel hesites, this is too good to be true, "good things do happen sometimes."

In the back of his head, a voice tells him not to go with Jack, it says he's in hell, this is just another way of torturing him, he can never escape, but then he thinks of Dean, of his family and the life he had, he misses it - oh how he misses it- and if there's even a small chance that he can have that back, he's taking it.

The last thing he remembers before Jack zaps him out of The Empty is a strange feeling that he might, after all, get what he wants.

<3

Dean thinks his liver might hate him. Actually, scratch that, he knows his liver hates him.

He has always been a fan of alcohol, but lately he has been borderline alcoholic to say the least.

Dean drinks at breakfast, lunch and dinner, he drinks between meals and when he's watching movies, or doing anything really.

Sam keeps telling that if he keeps going like this, it's most likely for him to die of cirrhosis or cancer than on a hunt, but honestly, Dean doesn't really care.

He knows he should, they sacrificed so much for this life, but, right now, he feels worse than before, worse than when Chuck was controlling everything and making them go through hell every day.

Dean is miserable, and it's not just sadness, it's not just grief. It's that feeling, that certainty, that it won't get better, it can't get better. He lost Cas, he lost his person, how is he supposed to move on from that? How are you supposed to keep going when a part of you is missing and you know you can't never replace it?

You can't.

So Dean drinks, he drinks until he forgets everything, until he can't even remember his name, until he passed out because apparently that's the only way he can fall asleep, and he throws himself into his job, he goes on hunts non stop, even when he's so tired can barely stand, because he needs a distraction, he can't let his mind wonder off, because everytime it does he thinks about Cas, and all the things he wanted to say to him, and Dean knows he can't take that much pain, he just can't.

Today is no different, he's having breakfast with Sam and Eileen, eating pancakes while secretly giving Miracle some bacon and watching Sam look at Eileen with the biggest heart eyes he has ever seen now and then.

Sam has been so happy since she moved in, he hasn't seen his little brother like that since Jessica, and that's pretty much the only reason Dean wakes up in the morning, if there's one thing he accomplished after all this time, is making Sam happy.

It's with that in mind that he opens his computer and begins to look for a case, he hasn't been very lucky these days, the last time he went on a hunt was a week ago and the lack of monster killing is starting to threaten his sanity. He's almost giving up when something catches his eyes. Something huge.

"Holy shit!" He exclaims, and both Sam and Eileen raise their heads, almost simultaneously, to look at him.

"What?" Sam asks

"You won't believe it," Dean starts. "You remember that case Dad worked on but couldn't finish? The one with the vamps with masks?"

It takes a while, but Sam nods

"Yeah, they stopped killing so dad gave up."

"Yeah, but they're back now."

"So?"

"So we have to go after them, finish what Dad started!"

Sam and Eileen exchange a concerned look.

"Dean, huh," Sam says, carefully, "I was thinking… maybe we should take a break, you know? You haven't stopped hunting since we defeated Chuck, and you're also drinking a lot lately and I," he quickly glances at Eileen, " _we_ are worried about you."

Dean rolls his eyes.

_Here we go_.

"Look, Sammy," he starts, "I know you care about me, but the fact that I enjoy hunting and don't smile like a fool every five seconds does not make me any less okay than you two are," he points at them, and then adds when he sees Sam is not nearly as satisfied with his answer than he hoped he would be, "I'm okay, I'll swear on the damn Bible if you want, I'm alright, peachy."

Sam takes a deep breath and shots him a look that says, " _I'm not buying any of your bullshit but if you don't want to talk about it, fine."_

They finish breakfast quietly, Sam and Eileen looking at each other like they’re talking telepathically and Dean pretending he doesn’t see it, then pack their duffels and hit the road.

It’s weird, having Eileen with them every hunt, Sam no longer rides shotgun - he sits in the back with her like the cute couple they are, and they have to improvise with the whole FBI thing -one of them, usually Sam, stays behind in the motel room researching while Dean and Eileen pretend to be officers, but Dean can’t complain, specially because hunting has become 10 times easier and even faster with her help and, until today, none of them has gotten hurt, just some scratches and bruises that fade away quickly.

This one is no different, they find the "Vamp-mimes,” as Dean had playfully nicknamed them, rather quickly, and everything was peachy until they got to the barn.

And then it all went to shit.

They stormed into the barn, decapitating a few vamps on the way but were hastily overtaken and now Dean is being held down by two vampires while Eileen, who ended up breaking her arm when she was sent flying by one of the vampires while trying to protect Sam - Dean’s level of admiration for her just doubled, is trying to wake his brother up.

Dean spots a machete near them and, silently picking it up, Eileen mouths _‘we got this’,_ he then starts stalling, complimenting Jenny and making sure everyone is looking at him rather than his brother, and, as though it was his cue, the moment Jenny bares her fangs Sam decapitates her and they go back to fighting.

Sam is currently struggling with two vamps, though Eileen manages to chop one of the guys head off - dear god that woman is incredible - Dean launches himself at another one, instantly regretting his decision because the guy is way bigger than him and pushes him in the opposite direction.

It is then that Dean hears Eileen shout, " _look out!,"_ and he slightly turns his head around only to see that he’s about to hit a huge and really rusty rebar.

_Shit_.

Using all the strength he has left, Dean moves to his left and nearly screams as the rebar goes straight through his shoulder.


	2. Chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I had some stuff going on but I’m back now :)
> 
> Enjoy

_And when I got into the accident_

_The sight that flashed before me was your face_

  
  
  


Dean has never felt so much pain in his entire life, not even when Chuck, God himself, was beating him up. Every cell, every atom of his body hurts, it hurts to move it hurts to breathe, even keeping himself awake hurts.

Sam is in front of him now, he says something but Dean can only make up the words, " _pull_ ," and, " _wait_ ," and his mind is halfway through processing what that means when Sam abruptly pulls him away from the rebar, he hears himself scream, a terrified shout of despair, and his little brother begins to carry him back to the impala.

  
  
  


He can hear Sam saying - _stay with me, stay with me Dean_ \- Eileen seems to be talking about taking him to a hospital but their voices are so far away… it's like Dean it's drifting off, like his mind, his soul, is leaving his body.

He blacks out for a moment and when he wakes up he's already in the bunker, he's laying down on what he thinks is his bed and he's damp because of the blood, though there's something tightly wrapped around his wound that should stop him from bleeding out.

Sam and Eileen are arguing again, something about hospitals and infections and too much blood. They're worried, desperate, though no one says anything, it's pretty obvious Dean is about to die, no matter how many times Sam tells him to stay with him, or how tight he grips his hand, they can't stop it now.

Dean wishes he could say something, tell Sam it's okay, that they're going to be alright, but he's too weak, he can't barely keep his eyes open let alone talk.

He feels himself drifting away again, but this time is different, the room around him gets colder and darker, he can't hear their voices anymore, he can't even hear he's own shallow breathing. _This is it_ , he thinks as his heartbeat slows down his eyes fall shut.

He always thought he would face death fearlessly, that he wouldn’t cry or panic, that he would accept it.

He couldn't be more wrong.

_Please God I don't want to die,_ he begs

_Please don't let me die_

Everything is so dark, and cold, he can't move, he can't scream, the only thing he can do is beg and hope someone will hear him.

_Please please please help me, don't let me die_

_I need help, please._

Everyone says that when you're about to die you see your whole life playing behind your eyelids like a movie, but Dean doesn't see anything.

Right now, there's only one thing in his mind.

One name.

_Cas_

<3

"... And I wanted to change that, you know?" Jack is saying as they walk through another one of heaven' newest gardens.

Castiel can’t help but smile, he’s so proud, he wishes he could talk to Kelly, tell her that they were right, Jack did save the world, and now he’s saving heaven.

After Castiel refused to go back to earth - still too afraid to face Dean after what he told him - Jack zapped them to heaven, he told Cas he wanted to make some changes, make it a better place, and Castiel was more than happy to help.

"But if the souls are not in their memories, where would they be?" Cas ask

"About that," Jack goes on, "I was thinking of building a world for them, like another Earth, but this one would have nothing else but happiness and-“

_Cas._

Castiel stops all of a sudden, he was definitely not expecting to hear that voice in a very long time, in fact, he is even a little bit scared of that voice at this moment, however, the moment he hears it he’s hit with a wave of joy and love and a feeling he hasn’t felt in a while and _oh_ , he misses it.

Though his moment of happiness doesn’t last for long because when that voice calls him again Castiel realizes that something is very, _very_ wrong.

“Jack," he cuts his son mid sentence and the boy frowns

“What is it?”

“I need you to take me to the bunker," Castiel commands him. "Now.”

He doesn’t have to say another word, in a blink of an eye he’s at the bunkers door, all by himself - which he immediately regrets because he could really use Jack's help with this.

But he can do this, right? He has healed Dean dozens of times, this won't be any different.

With that in mind, he unlocks the door and rushes into the bunker.

The first person he sees is Eileen, her clothes covered in blood, who stares at him in shock for a rather long moment before pointing.

“Down the hall," she says, quickly, as though she read his mind and Cas thanks her before running past her.

He can hear Sam’s voice now - _stay with me Dean, it’s gonna be okay_ \- and, following the sound, he finds both Winchester brothers in Dean's room, Dean laying on the bed, half awake and soaking in blood, while Sam sits by the bed, tears in his eyes, holding his brothers hand.

“Did you bring the-," Sam starts, probably thinking it was Eileen who entered the room, but once he looks up and recognizes Cas his jaw drops and he stares at Castiel in confusion, "Cas? How-”

“I’ll explain later," Castiel cuts him off, "what happened?”

“Re-rebar," Sam stammers, "v- very rusty rebar went straight- straight through his shoulder," and then pleads, "can you heal him?”

"Yes" Castiel responds, trying very hard to hide his insecurity from Sam.

Not that he's insecure, he can heal Dean.

He kneels next to Dean’s injured arm, opposite to Sam, and without any hesitation, gently places his hand on the wound. Dean flinches, but says nothing as Castiel’s hand begins to glow. He can feel the wound slowly closing, but something is wrong, his grace is weak somehow and he feels like he won't be able to do this much longer.

He’s vision starts to blurry, the corners darkening, he never felt like this before, maybe it's because he just came back to life? But Jack fixed Castiel, hadn't he? There's a voice in the back of his head telling him to stop, _you're too weak_ , it says.

But Cas can't stop, he can't let Dean die.

He clenches his jaw and closes his eyes, he has to heal Dean, he has to save him.

It’s all that matters.

Castiel feels his mind drifting away, he should stop, but the skin is almost closing he just needs to keep going a little bit longer…

Cas collapses on the floor once the wound is closed, Sam is calling for him though he's too dizzy to understand.

Something is wrong with him, something is _really_ wrong.

But Dean is okay for now, and that’s all that matters.

  
  


<3

  
  


It’s dark when Dean wakes up.

His shoulder is sore, though is not nearly as bad as he remembers, which is awfully weird, a wound like that wouldn't have healed so fast, how long has he been out anyway?

Dean doesn't have much time to think about that though, because, the moment his eyes adjust to the darkness in the room, he realizes that there's a hand holding his wrist. 

His first thought goes to Sam, but Sammy's hands are bigger, besides, the figure sitting lazily on the chair next to his bed is clearly asleep, and Sam snores, unlike the man next to Dean.

He searches in the deeps of his mind for who that man could be, the only ones who used to be in the bunker are Sam, Jack and Cas. However Sam is already off the list and Jack is probably too busy being God, which leaves us with Cas.

But that can't be, can it? Cas is dead, he couldn't be there, unless…

"I'm dead," Dean thinks out loud.

The man next to him shifts on the chair, waking up and yawning quietly

"No, Dean," he speaks, "you're not."

Dean's heart cracks open once he hears the voice, that gravelly, familiar voice that has been haunting his dreams from weeks now. All those feelings he repressed, the emotions he shoved deep down inside his heart, hoping would disappear, now breaking free and overwhelming him.

Could this be possible?

Could Cas be alive?

He had come back before, more than once, maybe Jack brought him back?

"Cas? Cas is that you?" he asks, even though he already knows the answer

"Yes," Castiel turns on the lamp and, under the dim light, Dean can see his features better.

He looks exhausted, drained, his skin awfully pale and his alluring blue eyes aren't as dazzling as they normally are.

Dean feels the need to hug him - like he does every time Cas seems hurt- he wants to so badly, but a voice in the back of his head tells him moving that much is not a good idea so he settles to just squeeze Cas' hand, which earns him a soft smile from Castiel.

"I thought you were dead!"

"I was," Cas takes his gaze away from where their hands are touching and looks back to Dean, "but Jack brought me back."

"How?"

"It's a story for another day," he slides his hand all the way up to Dean’s shoulder, examining it so carefully Dean can barely feel his touch, "how are you feeling?"

Dean fidgets with the need to ask more questions, he wants to know everything, how Cas got out of The Empty, why he’s in the bunker - _did he hear my prayer?-_ , and, of course, what does that ‘ _love confession’_ mean.

Because there’s no way Cas is in love with him.

"I'm better," he says instead, "though it still hurts."

"Yes, I thought that might happen," Cas sighs

"I'm too weak to fully heal you," Cas tells him, "I haven't recovered from The Empty yet," he goes on, "I was only able to close the wound, but I'm afraid there might be more, an infection perhaps," then adds, "but Sam said he can handle that."

Dean can tell he's hiding something, and he tries to figure it out - unsuccessfully- as he watches Cas stand up and walk towards the door.

Dean opens his mouth to ask what's wrong but is cut off by Cas, who is already twisting the doorknob.

"Goodbye Dean," he says looking back

"Wait," Dean speaks, his confusion suddenly replaced by a borderline-fearful emotion, "you're leaving?"

"You don't need me anymore," Castiel says quietly. 

"What if I get worse?" 

"Sam can handle-"

"Sure, but you can’t leave like this," Dean cuts him off, "I just got you back."

Cas sighs.

"Dean," he begins, "there's nothing left for me to do, I was only here to help you, which I did, so now it's time for me to go."

"What about..." Dean trails off, should he really bring that up? Is he ready to talk about it? The love confession, Cas' sacrifice… he hasn't even been able to process all that, to say it all loud, let alone talk about it.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," he looks away, "nevermind."

"You should rest," Cas speaks after a moment, a little disappointed.

They remain in silence for a while, Cas still by the door, like he’s waiting for Dean to say something, or hoping he would.

"Stay," Dean finally breaks the silence, his voice weaker than he meant, "at least until tomorrow. Please." 

Cas glances at him, and for a long moment they just stay like that, staring at each other, barely moving. It reminds Dean of the old times, when they would just stare, like they could read each other’s mind. And maybe they can.

"Goodnight Dean," Castiel says, stealing one more look before closing the door.

“Goodnight Cas," Dean murmurs to the dark.


	3. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some angst

_ Break my soul in two looking for you _

_ But you're right here _

  
  


When Dean jolts awake, everything is hot, and cold.

It’s an odd sensation, his body is burning out, his blood boiling and his skin is on fire, but the room feels so cold that, even with the two blankets -curled around him making him look like a giant burrito, he still feels cold.

He tries to move, break free of those blankets - who did that anyway?- instantly regretting it because  _ holy shit this hurts _ , and falls back on the bad,  _ God this hurts too _ .

“Sam!" He calls as his last resort - not because he doesn’t trust him, Dean just doesn’t want to worry his little brother, he already has a lot on his plate, taking care of Dean all by himself-

_ Wait _

_ Sam is not by himself anymore, he has Eileen and he has-  _

_ Cas _

_ Cas is here, isn’t he? _

For a moment he is scared that Cas wasn’t back, that it might have been just a fever dream, that Cas is still dead and that Dean himself is soon joining him. But then the door is pushed wide open and all his fears are thrown out the window because, standing on the other side is Castiel, holding a first aid kit.

“Cas," Dean lets out in relief 

“Hello Dean," the angel greets him

“God, for a moment there I thought you weren’t real," then adds when Cas raises an eyebrow, "you know, like a fever dream.”

“Oh," he says, "Don’t worry, I can assure you I am very real," he steps closer into Dean's personal space and gently places his hand on the other man’s forehead, "though you definitely have a fever.”

“Yeah, I had that figured out already," Dean admits, "I guess it’s time for you to use your mojo.”

Cas tilts his head, narrowing his eyes.

“You know, heal me?" Dean explains 

“Oh, about that," Cas frowns, "I may not be able to do that just yet." He continues, "I’m still not fully recovered from The Empty, I’m afraid I would only make this worse, for both of us," then adds, "don’t worry though, Sam taught me everything there is to know and I’m more than capable to take care of you, with or without my  _ mojo _ ." 

He hums in response, there's something different in Castiel tone, like he's hiding something. Dean is not buying this whole story about The Empty, it doesn’t make sense, if it was true, then why wouldn't Jack fix Cas? 

Dean watches Cas put the first aid kit on the nearest table, opening it and taking some bottles of pills out of it. He studies them carefully, reading their labels before choosing which one to give Dean.

“Uh, not that I don't trust you or anything, but why isn't Sam doing this himself?" Dean asks

“He and Eileen are taking care of a  _ ‘really important hunting emergency’ _ ," Cas air quotes, "life or death situation, though he said he’s only a phone call away and he’s more than willing to drop everything out if you get worse.”

Dean hums again, a little hurt that his little brother left him wounded like this.

Not that he doesn't enjoy being alone with Cas. 

Castiel takes the glass of water Dean has in his nightstand and holds it in front of him, two pills on his other hand.

“Drink this," Cas commends and Dean obeys.

After he swallows, Castiel stands up and asks,

“Do you want something to eat?”

The mention of food makes Dean's stomach roars,  _ how long has it been since he last ate? _

Part of him is pretty sure he'll probably throw up everything afterwards but his belly's protests are stronger - and louder - than any drop of reason left in his body.

"Yes, I would really like a burger," he says finally, "with bacon."

Cas shots him a look that says  _ 'that doesn't sounds healthy at all',  _ and Dean responds with pleading puppy eyes that seem very effective because, after a moment of hesitation, Cas says,

"Alright, one burger on the way!"

He is halfway to the door when Dean calls

"Cas?"

"Yes?" 

"Thank you. For staying."

Cas smiles

"Of course, Dean."

<3

Cas will never admit it, but whatever is wrong with him it’s turning out to be a really good thing.

Don't get me wrong, he's terrified that something would happen to Dean and he wouldn't be able to help, but at the same time, he's grateful he has an excuse to stay.

And, honestly, he's quite good at being a doctor. He memorised all the symptoms Dean could have and how to treat each one of them, and Cas is handling everything pretty well.

Sam is still away taking care of the hunting emergency - sometimes it feels like he's staying there on purpose, though Cas can't quite figure out why- but he calls every day to check on his older brother and make sure Cas has everything under control -which he does.

After a couple days, they fell into an orderly routine. Castiel makes Dean breakfast every morning, waking him up at 8am -time for his medication. They spend the morning and evening either watching tv or reading - well, Dean does that, Cas just fidgets in anxiety and pretends he's not dying to know how Dean feels about him.

But he won't ask, he won’t pry. He won't pressure Dean to give him an answer, he doesn't own Castiel and if he wants to pretend Cas' confession never happened, then so be it.

"I didn't know you are such a good cook," Dean compliments one day when they are having lunch in the kitchen.

Castiel made roast beef today, he had spent the previous night watching tutorials online while Dean slept - though he will never admit that- just so he could see that beautiful smile on Dean’s lips. It feels good to make him happy.

"I'm glad you like it, Dean."

"Of course," he says, giving Miracle a slice of meat, "I'm gonna make you cook for me for the rest of our lives-"

He cuts himself off mid sentence and blushes, even Miracle stops eating and looks at him.

"Uh, I-I mean," Dean stumbles on his own words, "as long as you're here, you know," 

Castiel nodds.

“Anyways," Dean desperately tries to change the subject. "How are you? Are your powers coming back?”

“Yes," Cas lies, "slowly, but yes.”

“Are you sure?," Dean questions, "you don’t look fine to me.”

“I’m fine," Castiel lies once more, Dean has enough on his plate, he doesn’t have to worry about Cas, "you don’t have to worry,I was already weak when The Empty took me, and even though I only spend a few days there, it makes sense-“

“A few days?," Dean cuts him off, "What do you mean- wait, how long have you been back Cas?”

Castiel hesitates, he knew this was coming, Dean would find out he has been avoiding him one way or the other, Cas just wishes he had had time to come up with a good excuse.

“A couple weeks," he swallows with a click

“A couple weeks…," Dean shakes his head in disbelief, "you’ve been back for  _ weeks  _ and you didn’t bother to, uh, I don’t know, call us?" He stands up, his hand hitting his glass and spilling orange juice all over the kitchen floor, "What the hell is wrong with you man?!”

“I...," Cas stops, what is he going to say?  _ I was scared you wouldn’t want to talk to me? I was scared you wouldn’t love me back? _ , "I thought you were better off without me," he says instead 

“Oh right, because mourning-," Dean hesitates, "mourning my best friend is so much fun!”

“Dean, I’m sorry“

“No!," He shouts, "you don’t get to be sorry when- when you-," his voice breaks, there are tears in his eyes and Castiel’s heart aches at the sight of that, "fuck you, Cas.”

He storms out of the room and Cas watches him go, followed by Miracle.

_ This couldn’t have gotten worse _ .

<3

"Hello?," Castiel answers the phone after two rings 

"Hey Cas," a voice comes from the other side, "it's Sam."

"Oh, Hello Sam."

"I just wanted to check on you guys," Sam says, "see if you're all okay."

"Yes, yes everything is fine,"  _ except for the part where your brother hates me, " _ Dean is getting better faster than I expected."

"Great!" He exclaims, "well, then I guess it won't be a problem if I stay here a bit longer?"

"Is something wrong?"

"No, not at all, I'm just visiting some friends," Sam explains, there's something different in his tone, a hint of panic, as though he was caught doing something wrong and Cas can picture him scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, "hunter friends, I mean."

"Alright,"  _ he's definitely hiding something _ , "do you want to talk to Dean?"

"Of course."

“Just a moment," Castiel tells him as he walks down the hall to Dean’s room.

He hasn’t spoken to Dean since the disaster of lunch, even Miracle looks disappointed at him.

“Dean?" He knocks, "Sam wants to speak to you.”

There’s an annoyed sigh from the other side of the door and when it opens Cas is surprised that Dean looks more sad than mad.

“I’ll be right here-" Cas handles the phone and has the door being shut loudly as a response.

There’s a bit of yelling, Cas is pretty sure he hears his name at least twice, then a  _ ‘don’t tell me to calm down’,  _ a really sarcastic  _ ‘fine’ _ and a few moments later the door is opening again and Dean gives him the phone without a word, shutting the door unnecessarily hard, the noise echoing through the bunker.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The characters are going to get a little bit longer from now on.  
> Enjoy :)

_ No one teaches you what to do _

_ When a good man hurts you _

_ And you know you hurt him too _

_ Weeks.  _

_ Cas has been back for weeks and he didn’t tell me. _

_ He let me grief him _

_ He let me feel like shit, blame myself… _

_ That’s how much he cares. _

_ I knew he didn’t love me, I knew it. _

Dean tosses his blankets and turns again. He has been feeling sick all afternoon, whether is because of his wound or all the emotions bubbling in his chest he doesn’t know, what he does know is that he was stupid to believe Cas could ever love someone like him. 

Part of him always doubted it, but the way Cas said it, his eyes glistening with tears, how he said Dean was his happiness, that he changed him, it felt so real that Dean allowed himself to believe it was true, to believe that he could be loved, that  _ Cas _ loved him.

But it was all a lie, wasn’t it?

It’s not like anyone could ever love him, let alone someone like Castiel, who’s beautiful and perfect in every sense of the word. Dean doesn’t deserve him and was a fool to think he did.

He feels another chill go through his body. Okay, maybe covering himself with blankets wasn't the best solution, but what else was he supposed to do? Cas took the first aid kit to the kitchen this morning so he has no medicine and the glass on his bedside table is no longer full.

"You should call him," 

Dean looks up and-  _ holy shit _ he must be really sick because , sitting on the chair next to his bed, is no one other than Mary Winchester herself.

"Mom? Is that really you?" He asks, though he already knows the answer 

"No," she says, her voice sounds weird though, there’s something missing from it, her signature joy is gone, it’s almost like she’s a robot.

"So you’re a hallucination?"

"Yep," she confirms, making a frown blossom on Dean's lips.

Even though he knows it's impossible, he really wishes his mother was there.

"What are you doing here?"

"Apart from the fact that you have a huge fever?" she says, "I guess you need some motherly advice today."

"Motherly advice?"

"Well, you know," Mary says, "kids usually go to their moms when they have..." she pauses, looking for the right words, "a crush.”

Dean nearly chokes.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know," Mary smiles playfully, "that angel of yours."

Dean feels himself blushing and hopes the fever will hide it - not that anyone would notice, well, except for Mary, but hallucinations don't count.

"Come on," she insists, "you know you like him!"

"So what if I do," he mumbles, it feels awkward, saying it out loud for the first time, he doesn’t usually think about that either, he’s always so busy saving the world he barely have time for himself, and on the rare occasions he does, feelings are the last thing on his mind.

"So," Mary starts, "the guy is high over heels for you! Have you seen the way he looks at you? He's clearly in love, and you're just too oblivious to see it!”

"He's not in love with me!," Dean whisper-shouts, "How could he? He's this graceful, perfect being and I'm… I'm me," he continues, "he's beautiful and kind, he could have anyone he wanted and I'm supposed to believe he wants  _ me _ ?"

"I'm a lost cause mom," Dean says, "I've never had one successful relationship in my entire life, I fail people, Iet them down and they leave me, or worse, they die because of me," he chuckles bitterly, "I mean, half of the times Cas died it was my fault, how could he love me after everything I've done to him? All the times I hurt him, all the times I let him down? He's always been there for me and all I do it's hurt him, how could he possibly love me after all of that?"

Mary shrugs

"Maybe you should ask him" 

Dean allows himself to wonder about that for a while, how would Cas react to that? Would he say yes? And what if he does? What happens then? Would they kiss? How would that feel? He can’t deny he thought about that sometimes, how would it feel to kiss those chapped lips, would it be like he imagined it?

But then his mind wanders off somewhere else, he remembers all the times Castiel got hurt because of him, he remembers beating him up and nearly killing him, he remembers sending him away when Cas was human, fully knowing that he probably couldn’t handle himself in the real world without his powers. 

His heart aches when he realizes that he has done more harm than good to Cas, he has hurt him so many times in so many ways he can’t even count -I mean, the first thing he did when they met was stab him, that’s definitely not a good way to start a relationship.

But for some reason Dean cannot comprehend, Castiel stayed, he endured all that pain, everything Dean put him through. Maybe Mary is right, maybe Cas does love him, but that doesn’t change the fact that Dean is no good for him and a relationship would only make things worse.

Being friends might not be what he wants, but it’s enough, and it’s way better than being nothing at all.

“Yeah, maybe I should” Dean says “but this time I think I should do right by him”

  
  


<3

  
  


_ Everything is so weird, _ Castiel thinks to himself as he washes the dishes, Led Zeppelin blasting through the kitchen,  _ it doesn’t feel right. _

It’s not only the fact that Dean hates him, that didn’t come as a surprise for him, but his body feels….  _ different _ .

He’s tired, sleepy, he can’t use his powers anymore, no matter how hard he tries, and sometimes he even feels  _ hungry _ . He should pray to Jack, it’s the wisest thing to do, but what if Jack heals Dean? What if he calls Sam and Eileen? Castiel will no longer have an excuse to stay, he will have to go back to heaven and probably won’t see Dean ever again.

He can’t have that.

“Awesome taste of music” Dean says as he enters the kitchen

“It’s your mixtape” Castiel points out

He’s always listening to it, whenever he has the chance, it reminds him of Dean, of that joy Cas felt when he said it was a gift.

It’s nice, thinking that Dean cares enough about him to take a break from his life to make Cas a mixtape.

“I’m glad you kept it” Dean says with a weak smile and Cas feels relief blossom in his chest, maybe Dean is not mad at him after all.

"Uh, Cas, we need to talk"

Anxiety rises deep in Castiel’s gut but he chooses to ignore it. There's no need to worry yet, Dean could be referring to anything.

"Yes, Dean"

Dean hesitates, as though he's not sure about what he's going to say, Castiel's hope slowly fading away and being replaced by a familiar sinking feeling.

“I think you should leave Cas” Dean doesn’t look at him as he speaks, his voice is dry

Castiel feels like his whole world just crashed down and shattered in tiny little pieces -or maybe that’s just his heart- his stomach sinks to floor level and he can already feel the tears threatening to fall

“I called Sammy, he should be here by tomorrow morning, you can leave then” Dean goes on

“Dean-“

“I mean it Cas” he cuts him off “you don’t have to waste your time with me anymore, go back to Jack, I bet there’s a lot of stuff for you to do”

Castiel opens his mouth a few times, but he doesn’t know what to say, Dean doesn’t want him here, and by the look in his face, there’s no changing his mind.

He watches as the other man goes to the fridge and grabs a beer, opening it with a  _ pop _ , he sits on the counter, facing Cas. Dean doesn’t look at his eyes though, he seems shy, small, but Castiel doesn’t doesn’t ask why, afraid it will only make things worse, he just goes back to the sink.

Why did he even think this was a good idea? Dean would never take him back, he's finally free, he can have a life now, just like he always wanted. 

Cas was foolish to believe Dean would want him. He had always known - regardless of how much he denied - that Dean and him were only together because he was useful, Cas powers helped them countless times, so it was only wise to keep him. But whenever he stopped being useful - like when he became human- the Winchesters would send him away.

Right now, there's no monster left to fight, no problems left to solve, Castiel isn’t useful anymore, it's time for him to go.

He’s halfway washing the dishes, his mind far away, when he drops one of the ceramic plates, cutting himself in the process.

“Damn it” he lets out.

The cut isn’t that big, though it bleeds a lot, but that’s not what concerns Castiel, what disturbs him is that it doesn’t heal.

Cas watches, frozen with shock, as he waits for the cut to close, but it doesn’t, it just bleeds and bleeds and bleeds, turning the water red.

He’s not healing himself.

He  _ can’t _ heal himself.

Castiel’s mind goes back to all of the weird things that have been happening to him, the hunger, the tiredness, how he can’t help Dean with his wound. He’d only felt like that once in his life, after Metatron took his grace, but that couldn’t be it, could it?

“Uh, Cas?” Dean’s voice jolts him out of his reverie and Castiel realizes that he’s standing right next to him now, almost too close, looking right at the cut on Cas' hand.

“You’re hurt” he points out “why aren’t you healing?”

Cas doesn’t respond, overwhelmed by fear and shok, his mind a thousand miles per hour, the recent events flooding his brain .

This can’t be happening, Jack fixed him. He fixed him and told him everything would be okay, that he was okay. How is this even possible?

“Cas!” Dean grabs his shoulder and turns Castiel around so he’s facing him now “what the hell is wrong with you?”

“I- I think-“ he stammers, baffled with realization “I think I’m human”

<3

Jack came as soon as Dean called him, bringing Sam and Eileen with him.

Sam throws himself in books almost instantly, reading everything angel related they had in the library while Eileen looks it up online. 

Cas is locked up in his room with Jack, who's attempting - and failing miserably - to fix him.

And Dean? Well, he's just sitting at the kitchen table, drinking an unnecessarily amount of whiskey and trying to figure out what the fuck is he supposed to do.

Castiel is sick, - maybe dying, who knows- and Dean is completely useless. His stomach twists up in knots with horror, he's terrified of losing Cas again, of that unbearable grief that overtakes him every time Cas dies. Dean doesn't think he can survive that again - God, he barely did last time.

"Guys" he hears Jack calls for them, and nearly runs as he follows his voice to the library.

He finds Cas fidgeting on a chair, looking down at his hands, looking completely defeated.

That need to hug him Dean’s been feeling for the past few days has grown to a point where it’s almost irresistible and Dean has to use all his strength not to throw his arms around Cas body and hold him tight - preferably never letting go.

"So" he starts "what's wrong?"

"I don't know" Jack says, frowning

"What do you mean you don't know?" Sam asks, incredulous "you're God, aren't you supposed to know everything?"

"Yes, you're right" Jack agrees "but this goes beyond me, whoever did this to Cas is old, powerful, maybe even more powerful than me"

Sam and Dean exchange a concerned look, more powerful than God himself? That doesn't sound good.

"It was The Shadow" Cas says quietly "it did this to me, I know it did"

"We're not sure about that Cas-"

"Who else could it be? Who else hates me so badly they would risk defying God just to make me miserable" Castiel repeats, raising his head "it's The Shadow Jack, it has to be"

"So what now?" Eileen asks

"We summon it"

"Shouldn't we do more research-" Sam starts, but Castiel cuts him off

"No Sam, it has to be them, nothing else could've done this to me, you heard Jack, what else is old and powerful?"

That shuts Sam up, as everyone else, and Cas takes that as a win.

"Good, we're doing it them"

"How?" It's Dean's time to ask, the last time they summoned The Empty Cas had to die, and he won't let that happen again, ever.

"There's a spell" Castiel explains "Jack is powerful enough to do it, it will create a rifit on the fabric of our reality, a portal to The Empty, it won't stay open for long but I think it's enough"

"You think?"

"Do you trust me, Dean?" Cas questions, staring at he so deeply his blue eyes carve holes on Dean's skull.

"Of course" Dean says immediately, without a doubt. Of course he trusts him, he always did.

"Then it's decided"

<3

A couple old skeletons and weird herbs later, Dean is staring at that familiar golden rift glowing in the bunker's library. 

The plan is simple, Cas, Jack and him will go to The Empty while Sam and Eileen make sure the rifit stays open long enough.

"If anything happens-" Sam starts

"We'll come back right away" Dean assures him "don't worry little brother, you won't get rid of me that easily"

Sam tolls his eyes and pats his shoulder - which Jack effortlessly healed not long ago - before going back to his seat next to Eileen, who flashes Dean a thumbs up when she catches his eyes.

"Dean" Castiel calls for him "you don't have to come with me"

Dean holds back a laugh.

The dumbass really thinks he's gonna let him do this alone?

"Cas, you're not going anywhere without me"

Cas smiles weakly, and Dean gives him an encouraging grin.

They stay like that for far too long and when Dean realizes what they're doing, he notices that all eyes are on them, Jack looks at them like a happy child, Eileen gives an "I knew it" glance and Sam looks like a proud brother

He clears his throat.

"We should go"

"Yes" Cas agrees "come on"

Castiel crosses first, followed by Jack and then him.

Dean has never been in The Empty before so he wasn't sure what to expect, but he certainly did not expect for the place would follow the literal sense of it's name.

"Woah" he thinks out loud "there's really nothing out here"

"Oh wow" a familiar voice catches his attention and he turns around only to find Meg - no wait, The Shadow disguised as Meg - looking at them with a borderline psyco smile "if it isn't my favourite couple and their adopted son"

Dean rolls his eyes, he's really tired of supernatural beings moking his relationship with Cas.

"What brings you to my humble home?" The amusement on The Shadow's tones it’s almost enough to hide the anger underneath, Dean is pretty sure if Jack wasn’t there it would’ve smited them a long time ago.

"What did you do to Cas?" Dean cuts to the chase, he doesn't want to stay here any longer than necessary.

"You don't know?" It laughs, a loud, villain-like laugh that sends chills down Dean's spine.

Yep, he definitely wants to get out of here.

"Oh my, you're dumber than I thought" The Shadow admits, now walking towards Cas “I expected you to have figured it out already, I mean, you’ve been through this before, you should recognize the signs” it pauses “I’m gonna give you a hint, I took a part of you, something that define who you are”

"My grace" Cas breaths out and The Shadow nods "why?"

"Why? Really Cassie?" It asks, outraged backing away "we had a  _ deal _ , I give you your three years old nephilim and in exchange you would come over have a everlasting slumber party with your favourite cosmic entity" it goes on "I kept my part of the deal, but you? You didn't even spent a week here before baby God over there" it points at Jack "took you away"

"Did you really think I would just let you go?" The Shadow crosses its arms over its chest "after everything you did?"

"How didn't I notice it? He was okay when I brought him back" Jack says, more to himself than anyone else.

"Because I'm a freaking genius! I knew you would notice if I did it right away, so I made it slow, he would lose just a bit of grace every day, until eventually he would be completely human and no one would even "

The Shadow turns to Dean then, its angry eyes in contrast with the calm expression on its face.

"And everything would've gotten according to plan if his idiotic boyfriend hadn't thrown himself on a fucking nail! And of course Cassie here went to his rescue and burned all his grace healing this dumbass"

"Give it back" Jack demands, his eyes lighting up "his grace, give it back or I'll make you"

"Oh Jackie, have you forgotten? God or not you can't make me do anything, and even if you could, it's too late, I've already destroyed it"

"Then I'll make him another one"

"Sweetheart, that's not how it works" The Shadow says "do you really think that I would've gotten through all this trouble if you could make him another grace? Castiel is human now, there's no changing that, he's human and he'll stay like that until the day he dies"

It turns to face Castiel once again

"I wonder whether you'll go to heaven or hell" it ponders "my money is on hell, but, who knows, with your boy here ruling the whole thing, you can probably go anywhere you want"

Jack's eyes grow brighter in anger and he takes a step forward, ready to attack, but Cas holds him back.

"It's okay Jack, let it go"

"But Cas-"

"It's okay" Castiel repeats "let's go"

The Shadow smiles psychopathically.

"Goodbye sweetheart" it waves frantically "enjoy your mortal life!"

"Let's go" Castiel says, grabbing Dean's arm and pulling towards the rifit, but he can't take his eyes off The Shadow, his fists clenching with anger.

Dean knows how it's like to go through hell, and, for what he's heard, this place is even worse. But Cas wasn't only tortured, he had a part of him stolen, a part of him that he can never get it back. Right now, Dean wants nothing more than to kill that son of a bitch. Cas seems to sense his rage because he slides his hand down Dean's arm until it reaches his own. Dean doesn't usually hold hands, it's too personal, but it feels good with Cas, natural even, like it's something they've been doing their whole lives. 

"It's okay Dean" Cas whispers, his voice so soft it melts all the anger inside of him "let's go home"

Dean follows him this time, and when they cross back to the bunker Sam stands up.

"Took you long enough, what happened?" He asks

Dean looks at Cas, as though he's asking for permission to answer Sam's question, but Castiel doesn't even look at him, he just half-runs-half-walk straight out of the room and Dean only shoots Sam a  _ 'I'll explain later' _ look before following him.

<3

Castiel can't believe this is actually happening

Correction, he doesn't  _ want _ to believe this is happening.

Regardless of what he told Sam and Dean, his experience as a human was terrible, he hated every part of it- except maybe for the food, he still misses his PB&J - but the rest of it? Awful.

More than anything, he hated the loneliness, he spent weeks by himself on the streets after Dean kicked him out of the bunker. He didn't have anyone, he barely survived, and now he will have to go through all of that again, there's no way Dean will let him stay here and Castiel won't let his misfortune get in the way of Jack's plans for heaven.

He wonders where he could go, he can try to find a job like last time, find someone who pities him enough to give him some money. He still remembers how to get food - thanks to a homeless man, Jonas, he met long ago- which restaurants had the best leftovers and how to know if the food is edible or not.

"Cas?" Dean’s voice snaps him out of his train of thought.

For a moment he considers pretending he didn't hear it and locking himself in the room - he  _ really _ doesn’t want to speak with Dean right now, or anyone for that matter. But then he realizes he'll seem like a 14 years old teenage girl who just got in a fight with her mom, and Castiel rather looks sad than pathetic.

"I'm here" he replies and Dean is by the doorstep in a matter of seconds.

"Hey man" he scratches the back of his neck, he looks like he has no idea what to say, and Cas can't really blame him, Dean has never been good when it comes to feelings, and it’s not like there’s a protocol of what to say when your angel friend gets his grace taken away by a cosmic entity.

"Hello Dean" Castiel greets halfheartedly, he doesn’t want to look up, to face Dean, so he simply smoothes the bedsheets underneath him with his hands.

“You okay?”

“Not really”

There’s a pause, Cas can already imagine Dean leaving the room but the other man surprises him and, instead of walking out the door, he sits on the bed next to Castiel.

“It’s gonna be okay, you know” he says, his hand on Cas’ shoulder “we’re gonna figure it out”

_ We? _

“Dean, you don’t have to help me out of pity” Castiel starts” I can handle myself” he lies “you might have forgotten, but I’ve been human before”

Dean chuckles a little, as though Cas just said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

“Is that what you really think? That I am helping you out of pity?” Dean asks, incredulous “I’m helping you because I care about you, because we’re friends and that’s what friends do” 

Castiel looks up at him.

“We’re  _ friends _ ?” He asks before he can control himself and regrets it immediately.

He doesn’t even know what he meant by that, whether is what has become of their relationship after Cas’ love confession or if Dean has forgiven him for leaving, all he knows is that those words came to life and jumped out of his mouth before he could think twice and now Dean is looking at him as though Castiel just broke one of the cogs in his brain and he can no longer form any thoughts.

“Uh… yeah” Dean replies after a rather long pause, it’s more like a question though, like he’s not sure and needs Castiel to confirm it for him.

He doesn’t.

“You’re staying here alright?” Dean changes the subject “Sam is back so he can take care of me, you focus on yourself okay? Be selfish for a change”

Castiel hums in agreement.

“Do you want me to call Jack?” Dean asks “he’s still here”

Cas stops to think for a moment, he would love to see Jack, he’s not entirely sure he will ever see him again, as long as he’s in heaven, Castiel cannot see him since no human can survive there, besides, all the changes Jack is planning may take decades, centuries, to be finished, and Cas might not be alive when he’s done.

“Sure” he says at last and when Dean is almost at the doorstep he adds “thank you”

Dean turns around and gives him a smile.

“Of course”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry to hurt Cas, but believe me it's for the greater good and everything will work out in the end :)
> 
> Also, next chapter we will finally meet his new love interest! He's an oc and, though you'll learn a lot about him during the next few chapters, if you guys ever want to know more feel free to comment


End file.
